


Control

by kribban



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23265235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kribban/pseuds/kribban
Summary: It hadn't taken long for Mikael to notice that something was very wrong.
Relationships: Pavel Chekov/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	Control

”Oh shit,” Lieutenant Chekov muttered under his breath. ”I'm in trouble.”

Mikael turned around and saw McCoy walking straight towards where they were crouched by the plasma converter. He looked furious, as he always did, and Mikael felt his pulse quicken. 

”I can explain-” Chekov began feebly but McCoy grabbed him by the arm roughly and pulled him up to his feet.

”I don't need to hear your excuses. Say goodnight to your friend, Lieutenant,” McCoy replied curtly, almost spitting the words out.

Chekov's face fell and he handed Mikael the tool in his hand. ”See you tomorrow, Larker.”

”Yes, Sir,” Mikael stood up quickly, not knowing what else to say. He watched the two men disappear down the corridor. ”See you tomorrow, Sir!” He sure hoped he would. 

It hadn't taken long for Mikael to notice that something was very wrong.

He'd been so happy when he'd been assigned to the Enterprise, just a few weeks after finishing the Academy training program for enlisted personnel. Sure, the work was tedious, and he had to share quarters with three other people, but he was in deep space! He'd always had a knack for engineering and it didn't take long for his supervisor to notice. 

The shifts in Engineering were his favorite. Commander Scott was cool, helpful, but not the kind of boss to look over your shoulder. For the last few weeks, they had been doing a major planned overhaul on the impulse engines and it was an all-hands-on-deck kind of situation. That's when Lieutenant Chekov had entered the picture.

The man was all right. Young, but still a few years older than Mikael, difficult to understand at times, but patient when Mikael asked for clarification. Something was weighing him down, though. He often seemed stressed and never took Scotty up on his offer of a drink after shift had ended. 

”Married men,” Commander Scott had said one night after Chekov had turned down another invite. ”They all end up like that, don't they?”

That was the first time Mikael had ever heard of this elusive spouse of the Lieutenant, but it wouldn't be the last.

”You've met him,” Raggie said when they were getting drunk in their quarters. P'Tal and Kormack were on shift so the quarters felt more spacious than usual. ”The CMO. Doctor McCoy.”

Mikael thought back on the shots and check-up he'd received when he had boarded the ship. The doctor hadn't exactly radiated warmth and friendliness. 

”He's... quite a bit older,” he admitted. Somehow, he'd imagined Chekov's partner to younger. Female, okay, yes. But also younger and... softer. ”To be honest, that guy gives me the chills.”

”Well, he's a doctor,” Raggie said and started dealing out the cards. ”No one likes doctors.”

The next evening, Chekov was in obvious pain. Mikael noticed, Chekov noticed that Mikael noticed, but neither of them mentioned it.

They broke for dinner in the kitchenette that was attached to the Engineering section. Chekov winced as he sat down in the chair and Mikael tried not to look like he had seen it.

Some people liked it rough. It wasn't any of his business. 

The silence of the meal was broken by the sound of a comm beeping. It kept on beeping. 

”Aren't you going to take that?”

A cloud passed over Chekov's face as he turned the comm off and put it away. ”No.”

Mikael saw Doctor McCoy a few times in the mess after that. He always seemed to be in a bad mood and whenever Lieutenant Chekov was with him, he acted like they hardly knew each other.

There were no sweet looks, no terms of endearment and definitely no touching. Couples had their ups and downs, but Mikael had a bad feeling that he couldn't quite shake, even though he wanted to.

Mikael preferred to work out alone, and as luck was having it, the gym was empty this morning, or so he thought until he saw Chekov sitting on the bench in the changing room. The officers had their own gym on deck four, but maybe it was crowded. 

”Goodmorning, Sir,” Mikael said brightly. Chekov was hunched over, holding something in his hands, and Mikael couldn't resist walking up to him. 

”I had a small accident,” Chekov said apologetically at the same time that Mikael gasped.

That was no small accident. Chekov had a split lip and what was probably a broken nose, Mikael couldn't say for sure. 

”Sir, we need to get you to Sickbay.” He held out his arm. ”Here, I'll help you.”

”No!” Chekov all but shouted, pressing the button on the dermal regenerator and holding it up to his face.

”But, Sir, you could have a concussion or a broken nose. A regenerator won't-”

”There is no need to see a doctor, Mr. Larker,” Chekov said firmly. ”I merely have a few scrapes. I suggest you go on with your training instead of bothering me like you are.” 

Mikael hesitated. He was in deep waters now, but he also knew that the Lieutenant's injuries were more severe than he was letting on. He swallowed thickly and took a step back, trying to sound casual.

”You know best, Sir, but Doctor M'Benga _is_ very good with broken bones. He fixed my roommate's wrist when she broke it; it looks brand new now.”

The whir of the generator ceased and Chekov looked up. ”Doctor M'Benga?”

”Yeah, he's on shift right now.” Mikael stuck his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. ”Take care of yourself, Sir.”

Chekov just nodded in reply but he looked hopeful and by the time Mikael had finished changing, the Lieutenant had left.

The following evening, Doctor McCoy showed up to drag Chekov away from Engineering.  
Chekov didn't return the next evening, or the evening after that. 

Mikael asked Commander Scott who complained about being understaffed but didn't volunteer any information on Chekov's whereabouts. Mikael didn't press the Commander for details, he was just enlisted crew, after all. 

But he needed to do something.

The correct course of action would be to report his suspicions to his supervisor, but something about meddling in the private affairs of officers uneased him. He wasn't close to Chekov, not by a long shot, but maybe that was a good thing. 

He did some reading and waited for the first moment he and the Lieutenant would both be off duty.

”Lieutenant, can you spare a few minutes of your time?” 

Chekov looked slightly annoyed but resigned. ”I can spare a few, Mr. Larker. What do you need?”

”I'm having some trouble interpreting the readout from the plasma converter. It's not an emergency, but Commander Scott isn't around, and I have a dinner date with my girlfriend that I don't want to late for.”

Mikael didn't have a girlfriend, but he'd read that abusers were prone to jealousy. He smiled at Doctor McCoy. ”I will have him back in half an hour, Doctor. I wouldn't ask if I didn't really need his assistance.”

Doctor McCoy sighed and nodded to Chekov. ”Go. Can't have the man stand his lady up.”

”I'll be right back, Leo. Get us some drinks while I'm gone, all right?” Chekov looked hesitant, almost like he was scared to leave the doctor's side, and Mikael decided there and then that he would have the Lieutenant back much earlier than in thirty minutes. 

For that reason, he kept a brisk pace all the way down to the Engineering deck, but instead of turning left, he opened the door to one of the maintenance closets and pulled the stunned Lieutenant in with him. He ordered the computer to seal the door and took a few steps back so his presence wouldn't feel overwhelming.

”But-” Chekov started and Mikael put his hands up.

”Please, Sir, just hear me out. You can trust me. I hope you know that.”

”Of course,” Chekov frowned and folded his arms over his chest. ”Your technical skills are improving greatly, and –”

”I know Doctor McCoy is abusing you.”

Chekov's mouth fell open.

”You don't have to explain and you don't have to worry,” Mikael continued quickly. ”I haven't told a soul and I'm not going to. I'm not going to force you to do anything and I don't judge you.” Mikael pulled out a chip from his pocket and pressed it into the stunned Lieutenant's hand.

”I've programmed my personal comm and locations tracker into that. You can contact me at any time, night or day, for any reason. Even if it's just to have someone to talk to. I'll help you in any way that you want me to, but I won't pressure you into doing anything you don't want to.”

Chekov stared at the chip in his hand for a few seconds, seemingly at a loss for words, and then he threw his arms around Mikael, hugging him as if his life depended on it.

Pavel had known it would be bad, but not quite this bad.

As soon as he had mentioned the assignment, Leo's walls had come up.

”It is only temporary. Six months at the most,” Pavel pleaded. ”I'll be back on the Enterprise before you will have had the chance to miss me.” 

”Don't be so sure you're coming back, Lieutenant,” Leo spat out. He was furious now, the kind of furious Pavel hadn't seen since the last time the Captain had almost gotten himself killed. ”If you think being parked right on the edge of the Neutral Zone will be a picnic, you need your head examined!”

Pavel took deep, steadying breaths and pinched the bridge of his nose. ”The Reliant is heavily armed and the Captain is seasoned. There have only been minor incidents for the duration of their patrol and the truce with the Romulans is holding. I will be in no greater danger there than I am on the Enterprise.”

He didn't add that he was kind of hoping for there to be a few incidents. It would give him experience and add to his track record. ”Six months as Chief Tactical Officer will be good for my career. I can't pass this opportunity up, Leo.”

Leo let out a snort. ”I've never tried to control you, have I? Don't even pretend like that's something you're worried about.”

”I'm not,” Pavel said quietly. His husband's reaction was a wet blanket on the joy he'd felt ever since Captain Kirk had approved his temporary reassignment. ”Let's just go to bed and continue arguing in the morning.” 

Leo's anger dissipated, but his mood didn't exactly improve. Pavel could tell he was worried sick, and he wanted to spend the next few weeks reassuring his husband that everything would be all right. 

To make things worse, there was a shortage of personnel in Engineering just when they were going forward with the modifications on the impulse engines. Pavel saw no other option than to volunteer his services. 

At least it gave him something else to think about. 

Scotty paired him up with a young crewman who reminded Pavel a bit of his younger self. He'd been so eager then, but also so easily pleased. Just to be on a starship had been enough of excitement for him, before he'd had the chance to get bored with routine.

Still, as soon as he could get out of there, Pavel went straight home, every night, to the arms of the man whose fears he was trying to soothe.

”I want you to see a counselor, Leo.”

Leo stiffened under his arm and didn't say anything for several long seconds.

”If it ain't broke, don't fix it.”

”You're a little bit broken,” Pavel whispered, rubbing his thumb over Leo's stomach. ”And I want you to get better.”

Leo didn't respond to that so Pavel just kept rubbing. _"I'm not leaving,”_ he thought, but he didn't say it, _”I'm just going away."_

”You sure?” Hikaru asked with a grin and wiped the sweat off his brow. ”I'm way out of your weight class.” He didn't say ”way out of your league,” but it was implied. There were few people on board the Enterprise who could take Hikaru in a fight. 

Pavel nodded. As a tactical officer, his combat training would be more important than ever. ”Please, Hikaru. I don't want you to hold anything back.” 

Hikaru didn't hold anything back, and Pavel was black and blue by the time they were finished sparring.

Leo noticed and fussed over him until Pavel got angry, and then he got angry too. But when Pavel came home from Engineering late that night, Leo took his hand gently and pulled him over to the bed. 

Pavel had always known that Leo was a bit damaged, even though he felt guilty thinking about his husband that way. He didn't know much about Leo's first marriage, but he knew that it had ended badly and that Leo had sworn to never let himself love again. It had taken a lot of time and gentle coaxing to get him to trust Pavel, and then he had responded with fierce loyalty and concern. 

And Pavel had loved it. It was exhilarating to be the object of such care and attention, but he also knew that fussing over him was one of Leo's coping mechanisms. 

That was the other thing about Leo; he often felt powerless. He hid it behind a thick mask of anger and bluntness, but he was deeply terrified of those he cared about getting hurt. Especially, when there was little he could do about it.

It was less than three weeks before the Enterprise would drop him off at Starbase five, and Pavel wanted to spend every moment until then with his hands on Leo.

But his husband was a very private man, deeply uncomfortable with public displays of affection, so Pavel settled for having lunch with him whenever he could and saved his touches for when they were alone in their quarters.

The hatch blew open, hitting him square in the face with a force so strong that he was thrown on his back. His ears were ringing and his face felt like it would split in half. Fuck, someone must have forgotten to vent the pressure before closing the hatch, but then again, he shouldn't have stood so close to it. 

Pavel cursed and ran his fingers carefully over his face. His teeth were still there, his nose was bleeding, but not so much that he couldn't stop it. This was salvageable. 

If Leo found out about this, it would ruin several of the few days they had left. He suddenly remembered that the main gymnasium was just one floor up and that it had an emergency medkit. He held his nose and managed to get the hatch closed with just one hand. 

The bleeding had almost stopped by the time he reached the gym's dressing room, which was thankfully empty. He went straight for the medkit on the wall and found the small, dermal regenerator that had replaced dressings and bandaids. He had just sunk down on the bench when he heard a cheerful voice behind him.

It was the young crewman he'd been working with in Engineering; Mr. Larker. 

Larker tried to pressure him to go to Sickbay, and then he mentioned Doctor M'Benga. Pavel had been so worried about running into Leo that he'd completely forgotten that he wasn't even on shift right now. He could go to Sickbay, get this sorted out and no one else would have to know.

Doctor M'Benga healed his broken nose and the cut on his lip. He also diagnosed him with a concussion and put him on sick leave for the next three days. Bedrest, to be exact. In his quarters.

Pavel let M'Benga tell Leo, who held it together fairly well until they got home. 

Once there, he forced Pavel under the covers, dimmed the lights, and spent the next ten hours watching over him in complete silence.

The concussion was apparently a bad one. Nausea rolled over Pavel in waves and there were sharp stabs of pain behind his eyes and an itch in his nose as the bone healed. But none of that compared to the ache in his heart, and that was a pain he couldn't speak of in fear of making things even worse. 

Leo slept somewhere else that night, probably on the couch. Pavel drifted in and out of sleep, dreaming more intensely than he used to, but the details of the dreams where lost by the time he woke up for good. 

He was still sore, but the nausea was gone and the headache had receded into something manageable. 

His PADD was propped up against a carafe of water on the nightstand. Pavel sat up slowly, had a glass of water, and opened the new message on his PADD. It was from Leo. 

_Shift until 2000 hours. Stay put!_

Pavel checked the time. It was almost 1600 hours, and he'd been in bed for a whole night and day. If he spent any more time in bed, he would surely go crazy. 

He got dressed, had a coffee and a piece of toast, before making the trek down to Engineering. An hour or two of work would make him feel better. Besides, they clearly needed his help. 

He found Crewman Larker hunched over a display and offered his help. The young man seemed pleasantly surprised to see him if a little nervous.

”It's good to see you have recovered, Sir. Did Doctor M'Benga help?” He sounded unsure.

”I want to thank you for your concern yesterday, Crewman. You were right – I was concussed. I have recovered now,” Pavel said, not wanting to get into details. There was no point in infecting the Engineering crew with his own bad mood. ”Let's run a simulation first, okay?”

About an hour later, Leo showed up in Engineering and physically dragged him back to their quarters. 

The argument started in the turbolift.

”Goddamnit, Pasha, are you trying to make yourself sick?”

Pavel _could_ go on to explain how cramped it had felt in their quarters, how he couldn't stand to be treated like an invalid, how he was already feeling a lot better; but he was sick and tired of Leo's behavior and didn't feel like he had to justify his actions. He pulled his arm free from his husband's grasp and stepped away.

”You are acting like a lunatic! You embarrassed me in front of that crewman. I know you're scared, Leo, but mistreating me won't make you feel any better!”

Leo's mouth fell open and he looked like someone had hit him. ”What are you saying?”

At that moment, the turbolift doors opened to reveal a blissfully empty corridor.

”You heard me,” Pavel said softly and stalked off towards their quarters. The headache was coming back and he felt a little light-headed, probably from getting agitated. The doors to home slid open and he tried to walk inside and take his boots off at the same time, tripping a little. He sat down on one of the chairs in frustration. 

”Here, let me help you.” Leo's voice sounded broken. He knelt in front of Pavel and pulled the boots off. He ended up cradling them in his lap, sitting back on his heels. He made no move to take his own boots off, and if that wasn't a perfect metaphor for their relationship, Pavel didn't know what was. ”Tell me what to do.” Leo whispered, ” _Please_.”

Pavel took a deep breath and tried to control his voice. Where to even start?

”You're suffocating me with your concern, Leo. You are trying to control your fears by controlling me, and I am beginning to resent you for it. You act as though the universe is out to get you when all that has happened is that I have been given an amazing opportunity. And...” he swallowed thickly. ”You act as though I am not coming back.” 

Leo clenched his jaws so tightly that it looked painful. ”I can't stand the thought of... I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. I just... I just can't seem to...” He looked away, as though the sight of Pavel caused him pain. ”But Pasha, the last thing I want is to hurt you.” 

”I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but, Leo,” Pavel grasped his husband's chin and forced him to look up. ”You can't go on like this. I will not let you, and you...You need to work on yourself. You know that, don't you?” 

As painful as it had been, that argument had also been the turning point.

Leo started seeing the ship's counselor three times a week, and he didn't complain once, even though he was the kind of man who would rather have a tooth pulled than talk to a stranger about his trauma.

He was always subdued afterward, but Pavel just made him dinner and held him. He didn't ask about the sessions. What Leo shared with his counselor was between the two of them. Leo had a lot of work to do and Pavel couldn't do it for him. 

After a while, briefings from the Reliant started coming in over subspace. They were not classified, of course, but contained information about the operation of the ship that would help him get up to speed. 

He knew he was expected to hit the ground running. It would be the toughest job he'd ever had and he was determined to do it well. 

When Leo asked him about his upcoming mission, it was without judgment in his voice, and when he spooned Pavel it was with less of a death grip. 

”I really am happy for you,” Leo mumbled after he'd finally allowed Pavel to make love to him. Despite the long dry-spell, the sex had been tender and slow, Pavel touching Leo like he was breakable. ”I want you to get everything you want, even if it takes you away from me from time to time.” 

”I want you to have everything you want too,” Pavel said softly, pressing his lips against Leo's neck. ”Sometimes what you want and what I want will be at odds, and then we will deal with it. It will be like that, for the rest of our lives.”

Leo held his breath for longer than was natural. When he finally exhaled, he seemed to melt into the mattress. ”Yeah.” 

”Lieutenant, can you spare a few minutes of your time?” 

It was the last night before leaving the Enterprise, and Leo had traded with M'Benga so he could spend the whole day and night with Pavel. They were having drinks in the Mess Hall, dinner and sex in their quarters. Six months wasn't that long, but there was still some sense of finality to it. 

Leo gave him a look that seemed to say 'I have to practice letting you go' and Pavel followed the young crewman down to Engineering. It wasn't Larker's fault, and they weren't so pressed for time that he couldn't take thirty minutes helping the kid. 

To his surprise, Larker didn't go to the plasma converter but instead pulled Pavel into a maintenance closet.

”But-”

Larker looked different. He had a look of determination that Pavel had never seen on him before.

”Please, Sir, just hear me out. You can trust me. I hope you know that.”

Pavel was already groaning inwardly, but he tried not to show it. Unauthorized science experiments happened from time to time, but he'd been hearing less about them since he'd made Lieutenant. He just hoped the one he was about to hear about didn't pose any danger to the ship. 

”Of course. Your technical skills are improving greatly, and –”

”I know Doctor McCoy is abusing you.”

It was a little bit like being hit with an EMP. All the thoughts that had been whirling in his head up until now disappeared, and he couldn't speak. He stared at the young crewman who was steadfast, strong, launching into a speech that he must have practiced many times. 

”You don't have to explain and you don't have to worry. I haven't told a soul and I'm not going to. I'm not going to force you to do anything and I don't judge you.” 

Something was pressed into Pavel's hand and he couldn't even close his fist around it, he was that shocked.

”I've programmed my personal comm and locations tracker into that. You can contact me at any time, night or day, for any reason. Even if it's just to have someone to talk to. I'll help you in any way that you want, but I won't pressure you into doing anything you don't want to.”

Pavel's mind had started working again and he thought about the pamphlets at the Academy, all the ones he'd read when he was waiting for an appointment. Leaving an abusive relationship was incredibly dangerous. The most important thing to do as an outsider was to offer unconditional, non-judgemental support.

Larker had seen him banged up from the accident. He had seen Leo drag him away from Engineering. He had drawn a logical, albeit wrong, conclusion, and this was his response.

Pavel hadn't shed a tear through this whole ordeal, but suddenly he felt like weeping. He wrapped his arms around Larker and hugged him tightly. They weren't friends, had hardly talked about anything personal while they'd been working together, but Pavel was genuinely touched by the fact that Larker cared so much about him.

”Listen,” he said as he pulled away. ”I understand how you came to the conclusion, but my husband is not abusing me. I will explain everything shortly,” he added as he saw the young man begin to protest. ”But first I must thank you. You did exactly what you are supposed to do. You did the right thing.”

When Mikael had been on the Enterprise for four months, Kormack moved out and wasn't replaced, so their quarters went from feeling super cramped to only semi-cramped. When the engine overhaul had been finished, Mikael had been reassigned to the armory first, which was boring, but then there'd been an opening in general maintenance and he had happily taken it. The work was a bit janitorial, but he liked it. It got him around the ship and he liked working with machinery.

Tonight, he was fixing a broken synthesizer in the mess hall, and it was a Friday, so people were hungrier and thirstier than usual.

”Larker, get over here,” he heard a gruff voice say, and he saw Doctor McCoy sitting at a table with Lieutenant Riley and a Bolian officer Mikael didn't know the name of. He walked over to them.

”There's a problem, Doctor?”

McCoy still scared him a little, he couldn't help it, even after Lieutenant Chekov had explained everything. McCoy looked up at him and winked, drink in hand. ”The problem is, crewman, that we're a player short. Care to join us?”

Mikael checked the job log on his PADD. There was nothing that urgently needed his attention. ”I have a few minutes to spare, Doctor.”

”Don't call me that out of sickbay,” Doctor McCoy said with a shudder. ”It's Leonard,” he said and held out his hand for Mikael to shake. ”Have a seat.”

Mikael sat down. Lieutenant Riley started dealing the cards, talking all the time, and Mikael caught the doctor's gaze. ”Did you hear from Lieutenant Chekov?”

”Every night. Every goddamn night,” Doctor McCoy said with a smirk. ”Beginning to think he's feeling homesick.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This is the first fic I've been able to write in a while. Constructive criticism is welcome!
> 
> 2\. If you are bored in quarantine, I really recommend the documentary about Anton Yelchin called "Love, Antosha" that I have seen twice now. I feel humbled by the actor who brought one of my favorite characters to life. <3  
> 


End file.
